Episode 133 - How to Boost Self-Esteem While Losing Your Hair

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Alopecia Angel podcast, I'm your host Johanna Dahlman. Today we are going to be talking about self esteem and how to build it during your hair loss journey. I know for pretty much all of you who come and work with me, who come and join my Hair N' Heal program, all of you are lacking the high self esteem that you once had, all because of hair loss.

I know this because I talk to you on a regular basis but then the other side of that is because I too went through it myself. You feel like you are not fully yourself during hair loss, you feel like something's missing, clearly. But more than that, you also feel like maybe a shell of who you were before because of the hair loss. I will say that building self esteem is maybe a practice or something that I didn't do for sure. I didn't do while I was healing, but I do see the importance of doing this and reminding ourselves why we're trying to achieve something and instead of going towards the negative, like, why is this happening? Why is my body doing this? Or why is my body turning against me or failing me? Or etc. All these other things that we might say to ourselves.

It's just the opposite. How can we boost our self esteem? How with our previous successes, our current successes and soon to be future successes? Once we start programming ourselves. For success, we will continue to see success. Does this make sense? And so we need to reprogram ourselves versus seeing the negative. We need to start seeing the positive and seeing what's possible because healing is possible, getting your hair back, living your best life, being happily ever after having full hair and not have to worry about it just like me and just like my clients even after COVID, even after a pregnancy, even after stressful events, you don't have to have hair loss ever again.

And so building self esteem is huge. And I think that many people miss the mark. We don't talk about this and especially when it comes to healing. So I wanted to go ahead and do a couple exercises. So this podcast episode is more of an exercise of things we could be doing. If you're listening to this in the car or on a walk, feel free to, you know, jot notes as you're thinking about this or come back to it and then write them down. Definitely use these tips to create the self esteem right now in you so that we can move forward in a positive manner towards your healing.

The first thing I would like to say is: Start a list, or maybe a jar filled with little pieces of paper, of things that you are good at. So it could be you're a good chess player, you are a good cook, you are a good friend, you are a great neighbor, you are a great mother, father sister, etc. Just write down and try to reach 100. 100 things that you are good at, and then also things that you've achieved. Like you've got your master's degree, you've visited over 60 countries, you scuba dive, you've jumped out of an airplane and live to tell about it, you've overcome alopecia. These are just my examples, just on and on and on of things that maybe you feel like are successes and, you know, things that you've achieved and you're proud of.

The next thing I would say is look back at the first 10 years of life. So for example, if you're 40 years old, let's divide the first 4 decades into 10, the first 1 to 10 years and then 11 to 20 and then 21 to 30 and so on and so forth. And then for every decade, you would want to pick out the top 5 successes, the top 5 things that you've accomplished in that decade, whether it was emotional, physical, or anything else. Let's say you did 3 ballet rehearsals or 3 ballet you know, achievements in terms of showcasing your ballerina techniques, or maybe you went to Disneyland and that's a success for you, or maybe you learned how to ride a bike, or maybe you got up to black belt in karate or whatever it is.

Now focusing on each decade that you're alive and if you're in your 20s, then you could. And then maybe do it for every instead of 10 years. Maybe you could do it for every 5 or 7 years and do it this way and then see like how much you've grown and how much you've overcome in this matter of time and start looking at those successes in between the decades. The important thing here is that you see how much you've grown over time and how much you continue to have successes, you know, whether that's graduating with honors, learning how to ski or learning how to speak french fluently or, you know getting your driver's license or what have you. All these are successes. So that's another exercise that I would encourage you to do to create more self esteem right now.

As you look at those lists, you're like: Hmm, how far I've come, how far I've really grown, how much I've really done within these, you know, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 years of my life and start looking at all these beautiful things that create you, your self esteem, your life, and who you are, because all of these things have helped you and have shaped you to be who you are, so that's a beautiful thing. So let's take a minute to really look at those years and to see what these big successes are in each of these decades.

I would also say that every day recount something, at least one thing, if not more of things that went well and that you achieved and celebrate them. So let's say you work on a team, maybe it's a team for your class or a team at work and say that you initiated a project, and finished completely, or let's say you delegated something, and the team went above and beyond. It could be where you cooked a really healthy meal for your family from scratch, or maybe you were able to walk a mile today and you made time for you, and you made time for self care. So these are all successes in different ways, but these are all successes.

It's every day we should be recounting at least one thing that we achieved, whether that was to get my toddler to pick up his own toys without any crying and whining, or whether it was to pick him up on time from school, or whether it was to do X, Y, Z like create this podcast, you know, with heart and soul and to do it in a very nice, calm manner versus in a situation where you're stressed or you're in a rush. I like to do my podcast when I'm inspired, when I really feel that I have plenty of energy, mind, body, and spirit for them, because they do take energy.

I would also list all the people who love you and care for you in your network and write everyone, even your boss, even your neighbors, even anyone else that you could think of and think about how much love you receive on a constant basis. Even if you don't talk to them for months, years, or days or weeks, but you are receiving love one way or another, every time they think of you, every time they send you a text message, every time they check in on you. So this is a beautiful thing and to see how much we are loved from our community.

The next thing I would say is it can be a little hard, but accept praise. Accept praises is a skill that's learned. I know a lot of times people shy away with compliments, they shy away with things, especially when we're going through hair loss. It's almost like we don't believe that we actually have other great characteristics or other great, beautiful things to us when we really do. Yes, you have the hair loss, but again, it's not permanent. This can be fixed, but there are other beautiful things about you. It could be your lips, it could be your eyes, it could be the eye color. It could be maybe the way you speak or maybe your presence, maybe it's very loving or maybe it's your, your reading glasses that , give you a special flair around your face or maybe it's the hat or the scarf that you're wearing or anything else.

And so when a stranger or anyone else gives you praise, I'd say, accept it wholeheartedly and know that there's so much more beauty to you than your current situation and understand that it's a current situation, it's not forever. So that's one thing, like I want to drill into you that this is not forever. Another thing would be to add in the stopping of comparison, you know, whether that's between our hair or hair growth or homes, clothes, shoes, cars, whatever it is that we like to compare. I would say stop the comparison because the comparison robs you of your joy, it robs you of the happiness and really at the end of the day, everyone is on their own journey, everyone is on their own journey called life, and we all have a different journey.

Even though we may share similarities, like we, we are all here joined by the power of hair loss, but at the same time, we can all heal and my healing took place before your healing can take place after, or right now, or during, or maybe it already happened, you know what I mean? So there's a different path for each of us, even though we can all be joined together by this one situation. At the same time, even with your own hair loss, doesn't mean that it's going to look the same or be the same as somebody else who has the same type of hair loss. There are so many different types of hair loss and so we need to be mindful of what is right for us and what's right for others as well. Understand that we're all on our own journey and we can't be comparing ourselves to others because again, that does us a disservice.

The next thing what I would say is that to speak positively to yourself in the mirror every day, say one thing. This can be an affirmation, or it can be a compliment, or it can be something that you say to yourself every day. I try to do this, but again, sometimes it just brushes through my head, but I do say that I feel better when I do do it, I really do feel better. And what I like to do too is I like to compliment others, random people. Honestly, they're sincere compliments, but I like to randomly compliment others and let them know that their glasses are great or their skirt is wonderful or that their makeup is beautiful or what have you. I love complimenting other people and this is something that makes me feel good. I like to bring some, you know, cheer to others. I like to, to do little acts of kindness as well, especially when I see people that are a little down I like to give them like a little act of kindness.

And so these are some things that we can do to build our own self esteem and you may think to yourself right now: Well, that sounds selfish, you're doing something for somebody else, but you get this big return, but that's actually psychology. This is actually the natural process of what happens, you know, when you do something good for others, just like volunteering at a shelter or volunteering you know, at a local charity. You're doing good for others, but you feel good too. And so I would say, take the focus off of you and do for others. I will say that is something that I did do during my healing journey, I did volunteer, I've always been a volunteer for local charities and I do continue to do that.

And so that's always helped me feel better about myself and piggybacking on this is that I also realize that that there are other people with a worse diagnosis, with worse health conditions, and even worse health outcomes. Remind yourself like: This isn't cancer, you're not going to die from alopecia, and, yes, there are probabilities of potentially you acquiring a second or a third autoimmune disease if you have the autoimmune alopecia. And yes, the hair loss can get worse, but guess what? You can still live. You're not going to die from this and we can get better. Getting better is going back to taking care of herself, making time for herself, asking for help. And so keep this in mind too, as you're having a bad day, as you're going through the frustration process or the grieving process of losing your hair. This is just today, tomorrow, it can be better tomorrow can be a better day.

And again, focus on what we can control, you know, speak positively to yourself in the mirror every day as I said. Say one thing, the affirmation or a compliment, compliment others, I love doing this. Take care of yourself, remind yourself that you are actively creating the new you amid hair loss and encourage yourself that you are doing your best. On top of this, you know, you want to get help, ask for help, join my community of like minded people who are healing and achieving results in less time. If this is the first time you've heard my podcast, I have a gazillion podcast episodes where client interviews are showcasing how much they're healing in week 3, week 4, week 5, week 6, 7 and 8. The majority do see hair growth in less time, and you can too. So understand that this is just temporary, and the possibility of you healing and reversing your alopecia is 100% in your hands.

The next thing I would say is trust yourself. Remind yourself that you are safe, you are whole, and you are loved just as you are. You are safe. You are whole and you are loved just as you are. Just like losing weight or trying out for the Olympics or running for president or anything else, many times with a strategy, with the right approach, with diet and lifestyle in this case, and some effort, you can achieve it. The next thing I'd say would be on your to do list, you know, tick one thing off. We all have a to do list, it's really large and I would say, try to make this simpler. You know, if you need to run errands, maybe have somebody else run errands for you and get this accomplished. Maybe there's one store that can garner everything, or maybe you can do it online.

You know, try to find a better way in order to, to get and achieve what you're looking for. Getting others to help you accomplish your other tasks on your to do list is even, I love delegating, I really do. This is also a skillset but this is also success when you can help others help you and encourage them to help you. You could see this in the workforce. Let's say somebody is an eager beaver and wants to take on more work, give them more work. If you're a supervisor, a manager, or let's say a higher level manager of some sort, then you can give these people more work and help them help you. This is definitely in every area of life, this is definitely possible.

You know, my toddler, I help him help me by picking up his toys and putting his dirty clothes in the hamper and these types of things. He understands that cleaning up is something we do at the end of the day or once we're done finishing playing with toys and this type of thing. So you can help others help you get to your success and get to what needs to be done, whether it's around the house, outside of the house, in the workforce, at school, or anything else.

Lastly, do an evening review. Ask yourself, where could you have been more loving towards yourself? And state three things that you're grateful for. An area where you could be more loving towards yourself and then 3 things that you're grateful for. Gratitude brings in better self esteem, but it also realizes and helps us realize that things aren't as bad as they could be. So for example my AC unit is out. It still continues to be out, but you know what? I have a roof over my head, I have a fridge full of food, I have a loving family, and yes, it's hot and yes it's challenging to be in 100 degree heat, but at the same time i'm healthy and I'm safe.

And so, looking at the positive while we're going through the hair loss while we're going through our health challenges This is the best place to be in because this is where change happens, this is where positive results happen, this is where a better you is blooming and this is where a better you is also being created. And so understand that I understand what you're going through, I've been in your shoes. Hair loss is temporary, you can take this away in less time. Join my community, let's get together, let's work on this, let's get you evaluated and let's get you the help and hope that you need in order to see the results in less time.

I'm here for you. If you have any questions for the free training or a free consult, feel free to reach out to us [email protected] I look forward to hearing from you next week or this week. Let me know, I'm here to help. Thank you so much. Take care.