Episode 85 - Bullying Warning Signs, How to Stop it and Solutions That I Have Taken

Something has happened within the last couple weeks personally, where I have felt a little bit of coercion. I have felt a little bit of bullying myself and bullying, in all honesty can happen, whether or not you have a physical appearance that's different from everybody else, or whether it's something else. This is why we have strikes, labor strikes in any and every industry. We've also seen Hollywood go on strike right now with the Writers Guild, and we've also seen other people take a stand, like with the Me Too movement.

Because in one form or another, bullying happens at any age, bullying happens at any time of your life, and in various situations, it could be school, it could be work, it could be, as you're getting a service, and I'll go into more examples later, but in, in reality, it can happen at any time. And sometimes you're like, scratching your head to see if this is actually bullying.

And at the end of the day, sometimes the definition for bullying is very vague. The definition online says it is a verb to seek harm, intimidate or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable. And this is a very generalized term, but in reality, my definition of bullying is anyone who wants to take advantage of you, anyone who is infringing upon your rights as a person, within that state, city, country, or even just as a human, we have so many human rights violations, countries, officials who go into human rights violations on a consistent basis. And human rights is a bigger topic and I would encompass bullying into the human rights because it is a human right for everybody.

But at the same time, it is a bigger topic. It's actually something I studied in college because human rights was very interesting to me and how countries have done this against other humans, whether it's civil wars or whether it's, other situations of this nature. But even, historically, there's been lots of different wars and, they haven't been handled in the best way possible. I don't think any war has in reality. And due to that, we have so many human rights violations for women, for children, for men, for adults, for, people of all ages and it's unnecessary.

And lo and behold, we see it every day. I've experienced it as a child. I've experienced bullying from adults. So I was in elementary school and I've experienced it from teachers and from principals. I've experienced bullying from other children and teasing and this and that. And I think maybe it's helped create a thicker skin for me, but for those of us who are a little more sensitive or for those of us who think. That this is okay. It's not okay.

For those of us that, even between siblings when there's bullying between siblings, this is also not okay because it sets the tone of how we accept certain levels of abuse. Because if you think about it, bullying is a form of abuse. It's a form of a human rights violation. It's a form of not treating others as they should be treating with the full respect that they deserve.

And here recently I had this same situation, very similar, now as an adult, things look different, the perspective is different, the mindset is different, the solutions are different. And so I wanted to go through solutions and I wanted to go through, possibilities and what this looks like, because many times we don't think that we could actually do this or actually have the solution, but it's really possible and it's, and it can happen quickly. So let me go through this a little bit.

So just to define bullying a little bit more, it's anyone who treats you with disrespect, maybe because they want to take advantage of you, maybe because they want to hurt you in some way, whether that's emotionally, physically or mentally, potentially too. It is one of those three, harassments, right? Whether it's physical, mental, or emotional, but at the same time, it's unwarranted at the same time. It's not like you bit them first, this has come out of nowhere. And so I know that between countries, cause my audience is from all over the world and I know between cities and provinces and States, everything changes.

But I will say just across the board, the way I see things is like we're all humans and we all have human rights, whether or not our city, state, province or country acknowledges it or not. And so this is how you can empower yourself so that you can stop the harassment that you can stop the bullying and bullying can be something so almost benign, something very benign that maybe it's your manager at work, who's bullying you to take on more work. More so than anyone else. Just like we can really understand who's the favorite in a school classroom or who's the favorite, let's say, out of a department at work or who's teacher's pet or who's favored, maybe even among siblings who's favored. You can also see Who's not favored really easily.

And if you're self aware, you probably know it might be you, or it might be feeling like it is you. And so these feelings are not something to shine. These feelings are something to think about, to chew on, to really understand and decipher whether. This situation is about bullying or not, or whether your rights are being infringed upon.

And I'll give you a little example. So my two year old is in daycare and he's in a daycare with a bunch of, I think one and a half to two and a half year old children. And these children have been biting him recently. And at the first one, I'm like: okay, it was an accident. No big deal. On the second one where it left a really nasty mark for over 24 hours, then the mama bear comes out and says: this is unacceptable. I'm paying for this daycare to take care of my child to watch him and to ensure that he is safe, even if that means against and from other children and yet it's not happening.

And so this is where something needs to change, whether that's me changing the child from one daycare to another. In this case, we changed him from one room to another. He advanced to the three year olds, a) because he's more mature and b) because he can handle it, and he doesn't need to be around a bunch of babies in general, because again, he has more vocabulary, he doesn't bite and he's just more advanced in general.

That was one solution, but I will tell you, I've had the solution of changing daycares pretty frequently. And on top of it, the next step that was in my head, which I've already started to do was to look at other daycares in the area and to also start seeing them and taking tours and seeing what's possible and what's available, because I like to always have a plan B.

So when it comes to bullying, in this case, it's my child being bit. And it's the same, it's a physical abuse that should not be happening. It's a physical abuse that he does not deserve, just like someone teasing him, just like someone getting in his face and trying to pick a fight, just like someone trying to take his lunch or anything else that would happen in the future.

There are ways that parents can advocate for our children and I've seen amazing parents do amazing things. And I think we can all strive to do what's best for our Children. I'll give you one example. So one client of mine, she has five children. She has done the program, one of her five children has alopecia universalis. She came to me, we did the program, we did the evaluation and in the evaluation, a bunch of things came up. And I started talking to her, but this mom had really great intuition, really great intuition.

What did she do? She understood that a lot of the situation that was stressing out her daughter was a lot of the bullying, a lot of the teasing, a lot of the competition that was going on in school, whether it's on social media or whether it was in the school itself. And so she moved. She moved from the United States to Canada. She got up, took, husband and her other four kids, five kids total, plus her and the dog and everything and moved and she did this and now her child is thriving, now her child is healing, now her child is so much better.

And so many times there has to be an effort. There has to be like an extra mile. And especially if we want to stop the bullying, especially if you want to stop the harm that's happening. And maybe it's indirect, maybe it's not direct, but maybe it's indirect, like on social media, you're exposed to so much on Instagram and Facebook and Snapchat and all these things of the haves and have nots and you're experiencing and feeling, especially as a vulnerable child or teenager, you're experiencing a lot of different emotions when you start to see people maybe with hair without hair, feeling like you're less than because you don't have hair.

And that's in the case of alopecia, but again, bullying and infringement of rights, an abuse of any nature can happen with or without alopecia, and it does happen with or without alopecia on a daily basis across the world. So what I would like to say is that, A, we can advocate for our children in terms of bullying, and then we could also decide to

And I know it takes an extra effort, an extra line of defense, but potentially that environment is necessary in order to change.

And, just like this family, they decided to uproot. I've uprooted my family many times, not because of bullying, just because of life, but in the same token, should that situation happen, there are levels to which you can interfere, talk to, let's say, teachers, principals, students, make, this aware, talk to your children, but to a certain point, it only goes so far. To a certain point, if the whole basket of apples is rotting and your child is in the middle of it at some point, she will begin to rot too. Does that make sense?

It's like you, you can't have one pristine apple out of a bunch of apples that are rotting all around you. It's just not feasible. It makes it a really hard uphill battle. And so this mom, again, decided to uproot her family. In my case, I was ready to uproot and I have already uprooted in less than six months, my child from one daycare to another.

And what are some of the signs? Because even as a two year old, he doesn't have the full vocabulary. Teenagers do, older children do. Adults obviously do, everyone has feelings, emotions that they're going through, but there are key takeaways to look at. If, in fact, bullying is happening, if, in fact, this is something to be concerned about.

For example, in my child, he's two years old, but then he already says, no children, no daycare. And when he starts saying that, I know something's wrong. When he starts saying that, I know it's not the best feeling. When I leave him there and he's not happy to be there, this is a problem. And these are key takeaways that I see in my own child that potentially you can translate into your own children to, look at their body language, look at what they're saying. Even if it is just two words, two words is a lot in the scope of a two year old. And it says a lot when it's on a consistent basis.

And you're seeing the angst and you're feeling the angst in his first daycare in the United States, I will say the daycares in Europe and in Japan were different, but the daycares here in the United States, the first one, it was absolute angst. He went hesitant but happy on Monday by Friday he was absolutely miserable in one week I saw like this drastic change, and I had to pull him out and there was no other way, I was suffering to as a mother, I was suffering for him that he was put in this position and it's like you don't know you're in mud to make it in a nice way, you don't know you're stepping in mud or in poop for that matter until you're actually in it.

And that happens with anything, that happens in new jobs that happens in new schools that happens in new environments of any nature, including daycares that you know that means maybe a new extracurricular activities like sports or ballet or dance or swimming or anything else. You don't know you're in a hot mess of a situation until you're in it, and then you're like, Oh, wow, what did I get into?

And so this is where you have an option, to leave to talk about to see if there's opportunities for change. A lot of times, there's not going to be a lot of opportunity for change organizations are as they are this daycare. The first one, as an example, is the way it is, and it wasn't going to change, especially for one child. And so whatever it is, that was. bothering my child, it's no longer happening.

And again, because of his lack of vocabulary as a two year old, I'm going off the small words that he's telling me. I'm going off his body language, I'm going off his eating habits. I'm going off how he shows up when I pick him up. Is he just crying and frightful or is he happy to see me and wants to show me everything? There's a big difference in how You know, the attitude, the behavior plays out.

And this is the same thing that we can assess for our children in general at any age and also within ourselves. I can tell you as of recently, I too was bullied in many ways. My rights were being infringed upon, and what did I do? I started talking to professionals in real estate and in legal aspects. And the contract that I have within the situation gives me the rights. And so this is really good for people to understand. So just to give you the full scope, I'm at an Airbnb, and this Airbnb has an Airbnb contract, right? You have the listing, you sign up and it all has an agreement that you've agreed to and the host agrees to too. I've agreed to it and my rights were being infringed upon and I said: no I don't want this to happen.

a) and b) cannot happen because those are against policy and the host was like, oh no, but state and city law, say something else. I was like: it doesn't matter. You've agreed to this agreement, and so it got to the point where law enforcement hadn't get involved, attorneys had to get involved.

And just by saying: Hey, this is the rights, this is the agreement, and this is how we're moving forward and that's it. Like I'm ready and willing to take that next step, whatever that is. And sometimes it has to get that far in order for the bully to stop bullying you. And it's happened to me actually on another occasion too, where, you're bullied and the person wants to take advantage of you. And this was actually with a former employer and the former employer was trying to take advantage of me and not pay me what was due to me. And this was, very unnerving. And, because I was in another country, I felt very helpless and you start to think and wonder: Oh, what can I do? What can I do?

But there is always a way out. And, when you start opening up and talk about your situation, people are ready to help you. They really are. I opened up about my situation. These last two experiences that I'm telling you about, I opened up my situation to professional friends and they all told me you're in the right move forward and, show them that you mean business. And I did. And guess what? Both of those bullies have gone away. They've gone away. But then also I've gotten my full payment with that last bully from Europe, and then this bully here in the United States, she's also gone away.

And so it's nice to know that you can be empowered and you don't have to be bullied at any position, at any rate. It's not fair if you're in the right, and it's not fair if you're right as a person are being, superseded by the desire wants and needs and demands of somebody else who doesn't have that authority. And I will say that people in authority love to take advantage of others, people in power love to take advantage of others. We see this in politics. We see this in many scenarios. We see this in officials of sorts.

Being from California, I remember about maybe 15 years ago or so, maybe 20 years now, no, probably 15, 10-15 years ago, that there was a slew of city officials, commissioners superintendents, etcetera, that were all slapped on the hand with fraud because they were taking out funds from the city and buying multimillion dollar homes and buying really nice cars, and buying themselves a second and a third home in California.

And on top of that paying themselves huge wages. It was like one of the, one of the most, poverish cities in California, I think it was Bellflower and the city commissioner there and all of the city officials were being charged with fraud because they were paying themselves much more than city commissioners of Beverly Hills and just for any of you who do not understand what Bellflower and Beverly Hills means, Beverly Hills is a very rich area. Bellflower is a very poor area. Very poor.

And so how is it that these city officials and commissioners of bellflower we're making three times as much as a city officials and commissioners of Beverly Hills. It just didn't make sense, and so this all unraveled and it was a big story on the news, like 12-15 years ago.

In any case, this comes up a lot when we see people in a certain position, whether it's power, whether it's authority like a teacher or a principal or a daycare, right? A daycare manager or facility organization of some sort, not help, not really do what they need to do not live in integrity and then allow for this coercion, for this bullying, for this fraud or infringement of rights to happen.

And so, with children and with adults, let's see how we can prevent school bullying. And this is just school bullying in general, and I know it would look different across the board, but I believe in general, a) We would need to start getting teachers, parents, and authorities involved. Meaning depending on the age group we would need to show them that a) You mean business and that b) This is not acceptable, and maybe bring in a police officer one day so that he can talk or she can talk about bullying and that they can also speak about how it's not correct.

And so sometimes hearing it from a different person is also sinks in with children instead of just hearing it from parents. And, for example, if my child was the one being bullied and there was another bully in the classroom, I would want to get that child involved, along with his or her parents, along with, my husband for my son, and also get in this case, let's say it would be the teachers of the classroom, and also the director of the daycare.

In your case, it could be the principals or the managers of the school. And then maybe make this aware to the superintendent that this is happening. And also to start asking questions, is this child, let's say not just your child, but our other children complaining of this one child, let's say his name is John Smith. Is everyone complaining about John Smith bullying other people? Is it just happening once? Is it an isolated event? Start asking those questions because when we start asking questions, we get to understand the full scope of this.

For example, with my child, when I started seeing that he was being bit once and twice, I started asking: okay who are the two children? They wouldn't tell me. Are they two different children? Yes. Have they been other people before? Yes. Okay, so now I'm starting to see patterns that these children are not responding to whatever talking, discipline, etcetera, is happening. And maybe a child psychologist listening to this may say: Oh yeah, but it's just a phase, oh yeah, they're two year olds.

But at the same time, it's just that still doesn't mean it's okay to bite my child. Does that make sense? It's you can bite, but then you got to stay home. You got to stay home until you get that nuance out of you, or until you grow out of the biting phase. Because why would I want to expose my child, who's there to be protected and taken care of, to other children who bite. That doesn't make sense to me and it's not right at the end of it.

So I would say, get people involved, talk about it, make it aware and put a spotlight on it. So for example, if your child is being bullied for alopecia, put a spotlight on it. So have myself or someone else come in and talk about on a, on an educational sense about alopecia, about all that it is because many times when we're being bullied, the other person is ignorant. A lot of times the other person doesn't understand the full scope of what's going on or doesn't understand the ramifications or even your limits.

A lot of times bullies like to test limits. Just like children, just like any perpetrator, they want to test limits to see how far you'll go. But once they start to see that you will go far and you will get officials involved, you will get law enforcement attorneys and whoever else that needs to get involved, then they'll back off, then they'll behave, and then they'll disappear and they'll pay up.

Unfortunately, you need to show some strength because if not, then they're just going to keep on attacking the weak. That's what bullies do, bullies attack weak. They attack people who are quiet, attack people who won't fight back, attack people who are vulnerable.

And this is why you see a lot of abuse happens to children and to women, because they tend to be looked at as weaker and more vulnerable. So this is a situation where we want to be aware, we want to protect, we want to be on top of it, and we want to advocate. So again, getting people involved, getting those communications line open, start asking tons of questions and make your own notes. Don't rely on any school or any law enforcement to make notes, make your own notes.

Okay, so let's say John Smith. Bullied so and so on this date at this time, John Smith did this again, John Smith and just keep a rap sheet, just keep a rap sheet of these Children, if this is, your child that's being bullied, but then also educate. Education is key so that people are aware so that children are aware of what's correct, what's not correct, how to handle it, how not to handle it, when to speak up.

When to speak up. So going back into my own childhood, I had a second grade teacher who bullied me. She humiliated me in front of so many children, actually in front of the whole class multiple times. She would yell at me. She would pick on me and it was incessant. This teacher was incessant. And I don't know what she had with me because. In all honesty, I was a good student. I took really good notes, I never clowned around, I tend to as a child, I was, quiet, but very studious. I love love learning, love, love just reading and being in my books.

So then this teacher goes away in second grade, she comes back from my sixth grade. Oh my gosh, because I had complained about her to my mom because that's all who I had, so I complained to my mom, complained to my mom and depending on what my mom did or didn't do, also depends on how far I was a) protected or mistreated or b) or see, you know how this just never went away.

But she did went away. She went to another school when I went into third grade, but then she came back from my sixth grade and I happened to have her again in sixth grade and sixth grade, my mom actually had to pull me out because it got so bad. And at that point I was still taking her humiliation, still taking her mistreatment, taking her bullying.

And just to give you an idea at in the sixth grade, I was just as tall as she was, and she was wearing heels. Face to face, she'd be in my face, yelling at me humiliating me in front of the whole class. And it was, as a child it's inappropriate and no one's there to defend you. And then when I kept telling my mom about this and when my mom heard about it, because a lot of the stuff that she would yell at me for was stuff my mom was doing, not stuff I was doing, the child has no, let's say rhyme or reason into how parents pull up for the drop off or whatever.

So in any case, it got so bad where my mom had to pull me out and change me to a different school. And that's how that ended up. Did things get better? Yes, things got better. But at the same time, it's like that unhealthy environment, and then on top of it, having that experience is also unhealthy. And so it's one of those things where if we can be more proactive instead of just waiting for things to get better, because more than likely they won't.

So you, you need to be proactive, right? Just like alopecia. If you see that first spot come out, if you start to see a lot of hair loss come out, you got to do something. You can't just let it do its thing because you're hoping that it's going to get better when you know it won't get better. You need to do something about it.

And so the same thing happens with bullies. You need to do something about it, and guess what? More than likely you need to squash it right then and there. You need to take severe immediate action. And that's really the way to, to handle bullies I believe, and this is just my opinion, but with some research and also life experience that I'm sharing with you.

So if you are the parent going through this with your child, education is key, getting people involved and recognizing the signs of bullying. So some signs is that, not all children will display signs that they're being bullied, but here are some things you can look out for.

#1 injuries that can't be explained. For example, bite marks like my child had. Or maybe, cut up knees, or maybe, something else. Some other injuries that can't be explained.

#2 Destroyed or lost personal things. personal belongings.

#3 Faking illness or regular stomach aches or headaches so that you know they can stay home and not go to school or go to their class or go to their extracurricular activity.

#4 Eating habits changed. Maybe meals are skipped. or a child binge eats. These are things to look at that potentially could happen.

#5 Nightmares or trouble sleeping. And I will say that during the time of having bad daycare and maybe a situation where my child was being bit, he would talk more and yell more in his sleep. And I would also feel his angst. I could also see in his demeanor that he wasn't as happy go lucky as he used to be.

And when you start to see shifts like: this isn't normal, this isn't having a bad day. This is a situation that needs to be, nipped real quick. And only you can do this, parents.

Only you can do this for your children. They can't do this. Not waiting for things to get better is not the solution. Having an immediate solution plus backup plans is the way to handle this. Another situation that you may want to look out for is not wanting to attend school, dropping grades or reduction enthusiasm for school work.

In my child's case, he full on said as a two year old: no school, no daycare, no children. And so you can't be as clear as that. And if it's up to me to ignore it, then this is a problem too. Because then we're just feeding into a situation that's not healthy for anyone because all of it has a ripple effect. The way my child acts and the way children act in general. If they're unhappy at school or at the daycare, then guess what? They're going to be more likely to act out at home.

And maybe the opposite, maybe to self harm and behaviors like self harming running away from home or talking about suicide or even thinking about suicide, can and does happen even in the alopecia world. I've talked about this before, but there was a 12 year old who made broad headline news maybe about a year and a half ago, two years ago and she had alopecia universalis from the outside on social media, she showed that she was really strong, that she was brave, that she was courageous, that she could handle her alopecia universalis. She was 12 years old, her parents thought that she was so great, so wonderful that she could handle this like no big deal. And then all of a sudden, she committed suicide out of nowhere. And they were blindsided, as was the whole community, as was the whole community of alopecia, we were all saddened to hear this. So these things can be avoided, but we need to act quickly and have backup plans.

So another thing to look at is avoiding social situations or a sudden lack of friends, a decrease in self esteem, or feeling helpless. Either way, if you're being bullied, these are some of the changes to look for, these are some of the things to really be attuned to. And I know parents, you guys are all busy, just like I am, we're all very busy, but at the same time, there's nothing more important than our children. There really isn't. There's nothing more important than our emotional, physical, and mental health for our children, but also for us.

So even bullying can happen, just like I was just bullied right now with this Airbnb host, but it could also happen like I was as a kid or even at work. You can be bullied, you can be coerced into doing or taking on more work and projects, or maybe to stay on longer hours and not getting paid for it.

Or, these situations where it's just unfair unemployment law or unfair employment laws or unhealthy work situations. So other signs that your child might be bullying, so they are the culprits right that are being bullying and bullying other children is getting into verbal or physical fights associating with children who are bullies: increased aggressive behavior, frequent attention or visits the principal, have new belongings or extra money with no explanation where they came from blaming other children for their problems worrying about how popular they are or how they appear to other people, not taking responsibility for their actions.

And you know some reasons of why children don't report bullying you Is that they feel helpless. They think they can handle it on their own, they don't want to seem as tattletales. They fear that there might be a backlash from a bully. They feel humiliated, and don't want adults knowing what's being said about them. They think adults might judge them or punish them for not sticking up for themselves. They already feel socially isolated and think nobody understands or cares.

And this probably could happen a lot more once you have not just the bullying, but then also, let's say alopecia, because this is a really true fact. No one does understand, and not to say that no one cares, we all care, but no one does understand what it is to go through alopecia until you've been in it. And I think this is why I'm able to connect with all of you. On such a deep level because I've been through it myself and I've seen the other side to it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we can all get through this. We really can.

Another reason why people don't report bullying is that they fear rejection from their peers who might be showing them support or giving them some protection. In terms of adults, why would we not report this? a) because we don't want to have the extra stress or the extra hassle. We also don't want potentially to lose our job or to be targeted at work, or maybe we don't want to be targeted as a weak link at work. And maybe we see this as an opportunity to grow and to maybe get that extra promotion.

I know a lot of managers do that, they dangle a carrot for you for that next promotion for that next step up. And yet it doesn't happen, and they're just essentially taking advantage of the situation. And in a way that's not bullying, but in a way I would still

consider it because again, it goes back to integrity, it goes back to how you treat others, it goes back to, being honest and transparent.

And so what do we need to do? We need to teach our child not to bully, not to receive bullying, not to accept it. Abuse infringement of rights of any sort is a no. It's a no and we need to say something. So you we need to encourage them to speak up for themselves to maybe tell a teacher, but then to also tell us to keep those communication lines open.

And us parents, we also need to read them and their behavior because they will demonstrate to us one way or another, how they're feeling what they're going through mentally, physically, emotionally, just like my two year old, he was acting out at home. I could see that he was sad and miserable. Every time he saw me, he would just like start crying, just hysterically, just because, he wanted to be with me instead of at the daycare.

And then on the other side of that, every morning he'd say, no kids, no children, no daycare. So it got pretty, pretty obvious. And in one week I had to make, I had to make quick decisions, but just like that other mom and family, they also made quick decisions. And maybe hearing stories of other children who have gone through alopecia and who have committed suicide, maybe that prompted her to want to move and to want to get that child out of that environment.

Because it is tough to be a teenager just with all the hormonal changes, just with all the situations that children and teens go through. But it makes it even harder when you're going through a situation like alopecia. It makes it even more harder, and there really isn't a way to support the child. Unless you support them on all fronts. You can't just support them on diet and lifestyle. It takes more than that sometimes. And in this case it did, because, if you still have access to social media, and that's still feeding you, then we still have a problem, right?

Putting boundaries is necessary, giving your child the proper tools. For example, walking away. Telling their bullies to stop disarming them with words, use humor to diffuse a situation, maybe having a buddy where being in big groups where bullies can't pick on somebody if it's in a big group, avoiding situations and asking for help.

And I will say, asking for help has been probably one of my key situations as an adult when I'm posed and placed in situations where I'm being bullied as an adult or being coerced or being taken advantage of, as I was with a former employer, as I was with this Airbnb person host, and both resolved a) because I was able to ask for help and get good guidance and c) because I was informed and armed with next steps, with a feeling of confidence of what to do and how to handle it, and also to ensure that my rights were being protected, and I wasn't being taken advantage of.

Because, yes, it's unfair and we shouldn't allow this to happen, but situations unfold as much effort as you put it in. So for example, just like with the Hair N' Heal program, the more effort you put into it, the more results you'll see. And just like advocating for

yourself and for your children, the more effort you put into it, the more results you'll see. If you are more vigilant with their behaviors, with their eating habits, with, their studies and how they are engaging in life and with friends and in school and et cetera, or even yourself with work and with everything, with relationships, socially, personally, professionally, then you will able to see, engage, and evaluate where it is that you can do better, where it is that you're going wrong and where it is that maybe we need to shift.

And going back just to employers, the number one reason why people leave their jobs is not just for more money, but it's normally because of the boss. It's because of a bad boss, a bad manager who doesn't have the leadership skills, the integrity or the communication skills to foment a good, healthy working environment and going to HR actually works against you. That should probably be another podcast, but going to HR doesn't necessarily help.

And so really the only one who can create your life, who can create your destiny, who can create your future is you, but this only happens when you take life and the challenges by the horn. Does that make sense? You got to grab them by the horn and you got to make your own way and put it into where you want it to go. So even with bullies, there's a way out. There's always a way out. There's help. There's city, state, province, countrywide help. There's helplines of all sorts. We all know this, but the most I think critical is to talk to somebody.

And, for the child, this is to have those lines of communication with the adults, right? With your parents, with your aunts, with your uncles, with, your cousins, your siblings, with anyone, your neighbors, anyone who will listen, encouraging your children to talk and to open up. And then also you parents being more vigilant into their body language and into everything else that goes along with their mental health and physical health.

And then as adults, I would say advocating for. Because there's positions, for example, there's. There's this one work position that I could think of where it was healthy, but really unhealthy to a good extent. And the only one who would, who could quit essentially and change jobs would be me. No one else can do that for me. I knew they weren't going to fire me because I was always a great employee, but at the same time, the work environment still could be unhealthy, even though you're a good employee.

And so it's up to you to understand and decipher that and see the writing on the wall, see and understand that things are not going to change, see and understand that holding our breath and hoping for change many times doesn't work and won't work and that's even with relationships. I've had many many people talk to me about their abusive relationships and people don't change. They are who they are and if they want to change, they can change, but they won't change for somebody else. They'll do it for themselves, if that makes sense.

And so we can't expect people to change. That includes our bosses, that includes organizations, that includes, as a customer or as a client that includes, going against maybe terms and conditions or agreements such as this Airbnb agreement, so things

won't change. And just to be really realistic of what you're going into, and also how you can get out and be better. And so always having a plan B, and then working on that plan C having a next.

In business, a lot of times they call it like an exit strategy, and sometimes they use that. Normally as a as an IPO. But an exit strategy is always necessary to have. And I see this across anything for schools for activities for, this agreement with Airbnb or with work or with anything. There should be an exit strategy. Sure, there's an ideal. Okay, I'm going to stay in my job for 40 years and then I'll retire. Okay, for some of you that may be some of a situation that you would like to look at too. But what if that doesn't happen? What if something else happens? We need a plan B, C and D exit strategy. And I think that if we go into anything with this exit strategy approach and mindset, then we're able to be more ready.

To take swift action when it's needed, and so just like I was able to move my child from one bad daycare to another daycare. And then even from that daycare to a better room. Now I can see that he's thriving. Now I can see that he's doing better. He's happy to go, he wants to play with the kids, he wants to go, he's happy to see me, and coincidentally. Those tantrums acting out, etc. have all faded and gone away.

So there is a ripple effect to how your children behave to how they behave at home versus from what they're getting at school because one way or another they need to let out that steam. It's just if you hate your boss and you come home and all you do is spew negative things about your boss. It's because you need a decompress, you need to get that out of your system, which is necessary because it's unhealthy to keep the negativity in you.

But at the end of it, let's have a plan A, B and C. Let's recognize the signs and let's do something about it because we can end bullying, it doesn't have to happen. And, It doesn't have to happen or end in a bad way, just like we've seen with other children just like we've seen in other situations that meet the headlines, we want to avoid that.

And so these are some of my experiences of how I approach situations and asking for help, I believe is your biggest tool. And who would you ask for? Ask professionals, if you need to get a 3rd opinion from a doctor or from an attorney, or maybe a general contractor, or maybe, in my case, the Airbnb support team and, corporate offices, that would be a way.

And in terms of daycare, you're talking to the director, you're talking to the owner, you're talking to the teachers. These are the people who you're talking to and understand that every level of authority, so to speak, has certain things they can and cannot do. That's just like going to a hotel and the front desk.

Maybe doesn't have the ability to give you the free stay at the hotel for all weekend, maybe for one night, if something was wrong with your room, but not for the whole weekend. There's a certain limit and threshold that they can and cannot do and understanding like who you need to talk to.

So for example, if I'm talking to the teachers and the teachers can't give me names of the children and can't give me more information, then don't talk to the teachers. Say thank you very much and then move on to the director. And if the director can't help you, then move on to the owner and then so on and so forth. You just escalate the ladder until you get the information and the results and the answers that you need to proceed and to move forward, because with more information, then you can make better decisions. And so this is key. This is key in life. This is key for our peace of mind, for our mental health, physical health emotional health, and of course the health of our children as well.

So I hope this has helped. I know bullying is a hot topic. I know cyber bullying is another hot topic. I didn't want to touch upon social media too much because I think it's been talked about a lot already, but I did want to talk about those next level tiers of how to advocate for yourself and how to advocate for your children because it's extremely important and it comes up at any time of life. You can be bullied at any time of life.

And again, it's how you approach. It's how and your intuition will tell you: Oh, this doesn't feel right, this doesn't sound right, does this sit right? And so if this is the intuition that you're getting either with your children or with yourself, then do something about it, because only you can control your next steps, your future you, your future self and your health of you, your family and your children.

And so this is really critical for you to take ownership and to do something about it because you can. You have more power than you think, and I want to leave you with that. You have more power than you think, not just to fight against bullies, but also to conquer your alopecia. You have more power than you think. And that when you give yourself credit for. You really do.

So I look forward to talking to you on the next podcast. I hope this has helped. Please send me your questions, any questions that you may have. I'd love to hear from you, you can write us at [email protected] also please rate and review on Apple Podcast we'd love to see, the numbers of the ratings go up just so that we can reach more people.

This is our key mission is to reach more people so that everyone understands that healing is possible. It's a choice and it's in their own hands. You can do this and we can help.

Take care.